Tag: advice

reading list

Reading List: January’s Book

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I’m almost done with December’s book so I’m looking ahead to want I want to read in January.

As I’ve mentioned before, the Book of the Month is just one of the many books I read monthly, so sometimes I don’t always get around to finishing it. However, I’m a big believer in trying to stick to my word and do what I set out to do. So here’s to actually reading all of the books I add to the Reading List in 2018!

There’s a lot of pressure for me to pick the right book for this month. After all, it *is* January’s reading selection, and I *am* a fan of starting the year on the right foot. So yeah, pressure . . .

But since I have a very LARGE goal that I want to accomplish in 2018 (more about that in an upcoming post), I guess I should start the year off with a book that directly supports that goal. So, the book I’ll be (re)reading is The Four Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss. It’s been a while since I read it, and I hadn’t yet read it in it entirety, so now seems like the perfect time.

I mean, a four hour work week sounds dreamy, right? Who doesn’t want more time to do the things that they enjoy? And I have a LOT that I want to enjoy in the years to come. No time like the present to start creating the reality that I want!

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Preparing for 2018: The Advantage of Setting Impossible Goals

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2018 is almost here and I’ve got a final “Preparing for 2018” post for you all. I saved this one for last, not just because it’s my favorite (though it is), but because I truly feel that doing this is key to great goal setting.

Here’s the thing: goals that are easy to attain tend to feel “flat” when accomplished. Realistic goals may be great for boosting confidence but they don’t offer you any inspiration.

That’s why you should always have some impossible goals on your list.

Now, all of your goals shouldn’t be impossible. After all, how long will you continue shooting for those goals if you feel like you can’t reach any of them? Your fire and zeal won’t last long if you feel like you keep failing. You do, however, need some goals that light you up and put some pep in your step.

You can’t let your energy get cold, which is where those impossible goals come in. Impossible goals have FIRE, and FIRE keeps your energy from going cold.

I set an impossible goal in 2016. What made it impossible, you ask? Well, I wasn’t 100% on where it would take me, or even that I was ready for it. All I knew was that I know how I wanted to feel when that goal was accomplished.

My goal was to land in my dream job. I wrote out my goal in April 2016. I had my dream job by August 2016. Now a “job” may not feel impossible for most people, but this is the job I’ve wanted since 2008. It took nearly a decade to get it, but it happened only four months after I did the steps I mentioned in previous Preparing for 2018 posts.

Setting “impossible” goals can work for you. And if you need help in accomplishing your goal, just click on the “Preparing for 2018” tag below, and you’ll see all of the other posts I’ve written that can help you on your journey.

I have more to say about goals in general, but this is it for the Preparing for 2018 series. I hope you all enjoyed it!

 

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Sneaky Trick for Successful Resolutions

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This will be a really simple post, but I am about to share my sneakiest tip for guaranteeing successful New Year (or any time of year) resolutions. After all, January 1st is less than two weeks away, and who wants to be unprepared for the New Year?

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(image courtesy of Susan O’Halloran)

 Are you ready for my sneaky tip?

 My trick, that has made my resolutions STICK and generate success, is . . .

Start NOW.

Don’t wait until January 1st to start. The moment that you are sure what you want to accomplish in the upcoming year, take some action – ANY action – in the direction of your goal.

Nielsen.com listed the Top Ten New Years Resolutions based on their surveys. If you want to know a quick action you can take to move closer to your goal, look at the suggestions I’ve added after each of the top 6 resolutions mentioned by Nielsen:

  • Stay fit and healthy

–          Get on YouTube and do a quick exercise routine. Try Fitness Blender and do some activity for at least 5 minutes. Set an alarm on your phone to remind you to do your 5 minutes of exercise daily. Then set a calendar reminder to increase your 5 minute routine, to 6 minutes, after 2-3 weeks. Every 2-3 weeks, add one or two minutes to your routine. Adjust the minutes based on your fitness level and motivation.

  • Lose weight

–          See the recommendation above. In addition, look up some healthy meals, write out your shopping list, and, if it isn’t too late, go out and buy those groceries RIGHT NOW.

  • Enjoy life to the fullest

–          Think of one thing you’ve been wanting to do but just haven’t accomplished yet (pull out your bucket list). Determine the easiest thing on the list, and immediately reserve the lessons, appointment, etc., that will make it happen.

  • Spend less, save more

–          Go to bankrate.com and look up the savings accounts with the highest annual yield. Open an account and set up an automatic draft so your money can save on autopilot. Don’t memorize your password for the bank account: the harder it is to recall, the less likely you’ll be to check on it and withdraw funds.

  • Spend more time with family and friends

–          Pick up your phone immediately and call someone that you’ve been meaning to talk to. Set a phone reminder to call at least 3 friends or family members every week. Send out a mass invite to several friends and family members for a get-together event in 4 -6 weeks. Don’t flake out on the get-together.

  • Get organized

–          Choose an activity to do right now: clean out one dresser drawer, tidy up one folder, empty all of your trash cans, fold up all of the clothes at the end of your bed. Or go buy plastic containers to help you organize your stuff.

If you’re serious about accomplishing your goals, don’t wait for January 1st to start on them. Start today, and give yourself an advantage when New Years Day rolls around!

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Remembering Who You Are

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I’m resting up after having several busy weeks. So this post is going to be a simple one.

I came across this Audre Lorde quote last year, and I often think about it when I am feeling a bit “ungrounded”. By the way, if you haven’t checked out some of the other Audre Lorde quotes I’ve shared, check them out here.

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(image courtesy of Quotefancy)

Remember who you are: even in moments of confusion and frustration, don’t forget the essence of YOU. Everything – even the unpleasantries – are part of the tapestry of your life. You’re never really lost or insignificant: YOU are everything you need to make it in this life, and YOU have all the tools you need to adapt, grow and enjoy the process.

Much love to you all, and chat with you all tomorrow.

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Releasing Tolerations: A Follow-Up

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As you all know, I am completing the challenge to get rid of 500 items during the month of December (you can read about it here). For simplicity’s sake, I’m just lumping it under the umbrella of “Releasing Tolerations”.

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(Cartoon depiction of me during this challenge)

So, I’m halfway through the month and I’ve been breezing through this exercise, which tells me three things:

  1. I have (had?) way too many items that were taking up space and not enhancing my life.
  2. This purge was overdue.
  3. My easy release of these space occupiers is proof that I’m ready for the next chapter of my life, and I’m not letting anything hold me back.

According to my count, I’ve gotten rid of roughly 125 items (I’ve done a little more than the daily amounts). I’ll update again at the end of the month, and let you all know how it’s gone.

At this rate, I may repeat the exercise again in January LOL! I already feel “lighter”, more energized, and accomplished. It feels good to know that you’re clearing space for things that will enhance your life and assist you with going to the next level.

This has been fun! Keep your fingers crossed for me as I power through the second half of this challenge!

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Preparing for 2018: Releasing Tolerations

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Happy Monday, friends! Can you all believe that we are just a few days away from the LAST month of the year?!?! I am in awe of how quickly 2017 has passed. This was a good year, but I’m excited for how awesome 2018 will be!

As part of the Preparing for 2018 series, I want to share a very powerful tool for clearing mental/physical/emotional “space”. This practice can really help make room for all of the good stuff that you want to come into your life.

The practice is, of course, releasing tolerations. This involves removing anything that doesn’t enhance your life or boost your energy. The energy drainers may be physical (living with lots of clutter is a good example), emotional (perhaps some unresolved issues around self-worth) or mental (maybe a colossal to-do list that never seems to shrink). Additionally, this is a way of “clearing the deck” so you have more energy to focus on the things that you enjoy. If you’re curious about learning what tolerations are, check out this post and this one, over at Good Vibe Blog. Jeannette Maw has done an excellent job of explaining tolerations and how they affect your ability to create the life that you want.

To prepare for the upcoming year, I’m going to work on clearing my physical space even more. I have some big plans for the upcoming year and reducing my possessions is one thing that needs to happen in order to best realize at least two of those big goals (I’ll share more about those goals in 2018).

I’ll be doing the 30 day challenge as mentioned by Terri Savelle Foy in the video I’m linking below. Information about the challenge is at the 21:30 mark (start at 19:35 for all of the tips related to releasing tolerations):

Every day in the month of December, I’ll discard an item corresponding with the date of the month (one item on the 1st, two items on the 2nd, 3 on the 3rd, etc.,). I will keep going until I reach December 31st, by which point I would have eliminated nearly 500 items from my life. Some items will be thrown away, while others will be donated to charity or given away to family and friends. In any case, the items will be leaving my space for good.

You can either try this particular challenge, or maybe try one of Jeannette’s recommendations. No matter what you decide to do, eliminating tolerations is a great way to prepare for the upcoming year.

Have you missed the other Preparing for 2018 Posts? Check them all out here:

Preparing for 2018

Preparing for 2018: Before Setting Your Goals …

Preparing for 2018: Commit It In Writing

Preparing for 2018: Listening to Your Intuition

Preparing for 2018: A Resource for Developing Your Vision

Preparing for 2018: Prioritizing Fun

 

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In Case of Emergency . . .

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If you have never felt despair, frustration or sadness, then you may not need this post. In fact, if you’ve never felt these feelings, please leave a comment below: I’d love to know how you make that happen!

However, if you have experienced those emotions – or some other unhappy feelings – you may be able to relate to what I’m going to write.

Sometimes, you need QUICK relief. A temporary shot of relief can give you the boost that you need to keep going. It won’t take away every pain, but at least it’s a sort-of bandage: it’ll mend you for the time being.

In the midst of one of these dark times, I created an emergency self care kit.  The idea behind the kit was to put things in it that can give me relief when I need it most.

I made sure to select a beautiful box that would bring a smile to my face as soon as I saw it. I also wanted to make sure it would be large enough to accommodate all of the items that I intended to put inside.

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My kit contains tissues, a journal and pen, chamomile tea, hot chocolate, a mug for my tea, a copy of “Rejuvenate: It’s Never Too Late” by Eartha Kitt, some crystals, and photos of loved ones. There’s a lot of empty space in my box: I have plenty of room to add additional comforting items.

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Funny enough, I find that just looking at the box can create feelings of calm and relaxation. Crazy how that works.

Would you ever consider making a self-care kit? Let me know in the comments below!

 

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Words of Wisdom: Audre Lorde

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When I first started on my emotional and spiritual journey, I came across a lot of unsound advice from well-intentioned (but clueless) friends and family. The main problem with the advice I was receiving was that it lacked nuance and context for my specific circumstances.

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They knew me but they didn’t KNOW me, if you get my drift.

I kind of resigned myself to walking this path alone, until I came across the quote, “The master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house”. I was perplexed by it, but I thought it was interesting enough to dig deeper and learn who said it first. My research led me to Audre Lorde.

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And. My. World. Changed.

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I found so much of what Audre wrote about mirrored my personal experiences, frustrations and concerns. She inspired me to find my voice, to own my personal power, and to care for myself. I owe a lot to Ms. Lorde.

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Whether you’re familiar with her or not, I’m sure you’ll find a gem among her words. The hardest part of this post was limiting the number of quotes so as not to inundate you all.

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Enjoy, and talk to you all tomorrow!

(all photos courtesy of Pinterest)

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Preparing for 2018: A Resource for Developing Your Vision

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Happy Hump Day! And YAY for making it to November 1st! You already know that I’m doing NaNowWriMo, so a lot of the posts for this month will be brief but (hopefully) useful.

You can check out the links at the bottom of this post to see the rest of the “Preparing for 2018” series. Today’s post is going to provide a resource that will help you get clear on what you envision for your life, both next year and for years to come.

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(photo courtesy of HappyBlackWoman.com)

Rosetta Thurman of HappyBlackWoman.com has created an amazing guide that will help you shine a light on multiple areas of your life, and will guide you in finding out what your ideal life looks like.

With your ideal life clearly envisioned, you can figure out what steps need to happen in the next year, in order to get you closer to your dream. You can download the guide here. By the way, this resource works for anyone, not just happy Black women. So no matter what your demographic is, check it out! I think you’ll find it very useful.

 

Other Preparing for 2018 Posts:

Preparing for 2018 (Introductory Post)

Preparing for 2018: Before Setting Your Goals

Preparing for 2018: Commit It In Writing

Preparing for 2018: Listening to Your Intuition

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A Word to the Late Bloomers . . .

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Happy Monday, beloveds! I want to start off this week with a little encouragement for the “ugly” ducklings that are still trying to find their groove. It’s going to be okay, really it is. You may not know it, but you’re on the cusp of being your best, most amazing self.

I realized that I needed to write this post after talking to one of my fellow late bloomers. We mentioned how much more fun we would have had years ago if we were aware of the tools that could improve our looks and lives. We live in a shallow world: having advantages in the looks department is powerful. But, we were both late bloomers: awkward, conditioned to “fade” into the background, and constantly grasping for our most confident selves.

It took years of reflection, experimentation, and even some harsh critiques, but we’re both looking and feeling our best. Changing our diets, wardrobes, hairstyles, and perspective has done wonders for both of us. We’re finally “pretty” girls, and this side of life has been wonderful. The best thing of all is that being more confident in our physical presentation has led to us meeting more people, and those people eventually discover that our interior beauty – the beauty that never fades – is the most captivating part of us. The “pretty” packaging draws people to us, and those people can get to experience the inner beauty that’s been there all along.

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The inner beauty is always the most import (from ForHarriet)

 

You all have seen my Boohoo hauls (here and here) but you don’t know that I amped up my hairstyling game, too. I recently started setting my hair in Rita Hayworth-esque waves and curls. The attention I’ve gotten has been mind-blowing, especially since my hair is the same length and color: all that has changed is the curliness. I also pared down my makeup, focusing more on intense eyes and less on matte, full-coverage foundation. Again, the attention I’ve gotten is astounding.

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Current hair inspiration, Rita Hayworth (from Allison Barbera Makeup)

 

My advice to any late bloomers is to continue experimenting and have fun on the journey. Looking like an airbrushed supermodel isn’t the goal: finding a look that makes you feel your best is what you should shoot for. Take care of yourself, and be gentle with yourself. You’ll find your lane, I promise.