life curation

Live Your Best Life: Hobbies to Help You Heal

Happy Friday, friends! We made it through the week, and what a week it was. The East Coast is getting some truly spring-like weather, and I’m excited for the warmer days to come!

As you all have already seen, I’ve been sharing some of the things I used to help recover after devastating life events (for me, specifically, my divorce, but also the loss of several close family members and friends). In this post, I’m going to share some of the hobbies that helped me move through my pain and heal my heart.

For starters, I want to add a disclaimer: you can and should seek professional help if you want or need a qualified individual to help you with your problems. Nothing that I’m recommending should be considered a replacement for clinical treatments and professional counseling.

That being said, here are some of the hobbies I used during my recovery and how these hobbies helped me:

  • Enjoying art: I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – art saved me from my darkest moments. Spending time in museums, creating my own art, and learning more about artists and their works helped me tremendously during my lowest points. There’s something very magical about being able to mentally “escape”, transcending time and space, as you view a piece of art. Also, creating art did wonders for helping me to work out some of my frustrations and to take the “sting” out of my losses.

art

  • Traveling: One of my best friends advised taking a trip prior to any big decision, as the change in scenery and routine does wonders for giving you fresh perspective. During those painful years, I took several trips that helped me to clear my mind and reconnect to the joys that I experienced in years prior. Physically visiting different locations impacted me on levels that I couldn’t experience if I had stayed at home. Travel was wonderful for helping me to navigate my pain.

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  • Writing: To be honest, I couldn’t always verbalize my emotions. There were a lot of days where the feeling would be in my chest, even in my throat, but I couldn’t speak the pain that I felt. When my voice failed me, my pen was ever ready to capture the emotions that I felt but couldn’t vocalize. At one point, I wanted to reread my journal entries, but I have since decided against that.  Those journals have served their highest purpose already: they were my voice’s proxy. I am thankful for the ability to give myself some relief when I felt nothing but despair.

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  • Exercising: I’m not obsessive about fitness, but it was a mighty powerful tool that I used during my healing process. Aside from the physical effects (the release of endorphins that lifted my mood), the repetition of certain physical movements provided me with a rhythmic experience that required that I focus on the present moment and temporarily suspend my emotions. Exercise literally took my mind off of my problems, giving me some much needed relief.

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  • Fine dining/wine tasting: I’ve already shown my love and appreciation of good food and wine on this blog numerous times. However, I’ve never mentioned how much I employed these sensory pleasures during my healing phase. I learned about different cuisines and prepared 4 and 5 course meals at home. The discipline, effort and precision involved with designing and preparing elaborate meals was a satisfying creative effort. And trying new wines, while learning to hone in on the elements that I enjoy most, enhanced my dining experience. You have to be careful with this one: restraint and knowing your personal limits are key.

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Those are the hobbies that I used to help cope and heal from my pain. I hope that these may be helpful for lifting your spirits during the low times. Take care, and enjoy your weekend!

life curation

Living Your Best Life: Law of Attraction Keys for a Smoother Divorce

As part of living my best life, I want to continue exploring the things that I’ve used successfully to get certain “wins” in my life. While divorce was painful and life-changing, I had some tools that helped me significantly as I transitioned into divorcee life. I’m convinced that using these tools consistently has made the difference between feeling full of despair and being excited about what lies ahead.

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I heavily utilized law of attraction (LOA) techniques to assist me with transitioning to this phase of my life. Here are my top three techniques that I used, as well as some details on how I used them.

Affirmations: I woke up every day and affirmed what I wanted. Some days, my affirmation was as simple as “Every day is a great day”. On other days, when I had a little more pep, I might say something like, “I’m lucky, gorgeous and always attracting awesomeness!” The beauty of affirmations is that I got to repeat whatever felt good, or comforting, at the moment, and that did wonders for setting the tone for my day.

Scripting: When I had the energy, time and focus to put into thinking about what I wanted my ideal post-marriage life to look like, I would do a bit of scripting. Scripting is the process of writing your ideal life as if you are living it NOW. It takes the dream life from fantasy land and immerses you in the experience now (even if that experience is virtual). When I review “Lifestyle Design for a Champagne Life” by Cassie Parks, I’ll have a bit more detail about the process of scripting. Cassie also lists the details of how to script in this podcast episode..

Rituals: I found tremendous comfort from engaging rituals throughout my separation and divorce. When I say “ritual”, I’m not speaking of a religious practice: I’m talking about the routines and habits that gave me stability and relief. One thing that I did consistently is go to the gym and walk on the treadmill to clear my mind. I also used to frequently visit the nearby museums when I needed a mental break, and I enjoyed many afternoons soaking up nature in picturesque Haupt Garden. I consistently used these diversions to give me some peace when I had a lot of inner turmoil.

All of the LOA practices I engaged helped me to get relief from the stress of separation and divorce. For me, this was never about engaging in fantasy or throwing on a bunch of “positive thought” in an attempt to avoid the pain. I moved through the pain and, when it became overwhelming, I reached for what would help me to make it through. I hope that you are able to use some of these tools during some of life’s less-than-ideal challenges.

life curation

Joy Challenge Update: How Things Are Going So Far

Hey friends! I figured that I would share a Joy Challenge update, since I’m a little over halfway through the month. I’ve been throwing myself into the challenge and really focusing on having a good time and reducing/eliminating my stressors. I’ve also been following my “highest joy”, including making reservations and buying tickets for events that I want to attend.

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I’d fallen behind in journaling about my joyful experiences, but as soon as I realized I’d been slacking, I got focused and picked up the pen again. It’s important to continue doing all of the steps, so I can get the most out of consciously enjoying myself.

This time around, the biggest focus for me was unapologetically pursuing joy. Many times, I “held back” from throwing myself fully into the activities that bring me pleasure, because I feared being viewed as too ambitious, too self-assured, or too  much of an “overachiever”. I’ve been penalized for these traits before (usually in the form of being denied things that I was qualified for – like promotions – or harsh criticisms), so I suppressed these attributes. But this shift to embracing joy and delight unapologetically has been SO good for me! I really feel like I’m hitting my stride and getting into a groove. This has been such a fun experience!

 

life curation · reading list

The Best Year of Your Life: The “Plan It” Section, Part 1

Ooh, it’s Monday again, and this month is just moving right along! I’ve been having a lot of fun with April: that may be because of the Joy Challenge, or maybe it’s the warmer weather we enjoyed over the past weekend. In any case, this has been a fun time for me.

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As part of creating the best year of my life, I’m reflecting on my December book selection, The Best Year of Your Life by Debbie Ford. In my previous post here and here, I discussed the Dream It section of the book, and how I worked through the exercises outlined in those chapters. Now, I’ll discuss the Plan It section of the book, which I feel has the most intense and critical exercises of the book.

Since the material in this portion of the book are crucial to consciously creating the best year of my life, I’m going to go through this part MUCH more carefully. I’ll break this review down into three parts: one for each chapter in the Plan It section.

Chapter 4 of this book talks about creating a clean slate. How many of us try to create something brand new and wonderful on top of our old mess? I can’t recall how many times I “turned over a new leaf” only for those same old leaves to pop up as soon as I lose my focus or resolve.

So my exercise for this chapter was to handle unresolved projects, incomplete tasks, and relationships past their expiration dates. I’m happy to say that there are only a few projects and tasks that I have to do (mainly, closing out some tax consulting projects from last year and finalizing financial arrangements) and I have no relationships that I need to sever: my current circle is healthy and positive. I’ve given myself until June 30th to complete the old tasks and projects, allowing myself one project/task per week until they are all done. I’ve listed out the actions I need to take on my calendar, so I won’t have to think too hard about what to do next.

Do you need to “clean up” before you move forward? Let me know what you intend to finish up during the next few weeks and months!

art · life curation

What’s Inspiring Me This Month

Happy Sunday friends! I was just reflecting on what I’ve been enjoying so far this month. As you all know, I’m participating in the Joy Challenge, so I’ve relished any opportunity to enjoy myself.

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I am constantly inspired by the things going on around me, and ht epeople that I interact with daily. However, there are a few things that have been especially inspiring to me this month, and I want to share those things with you all. They are as follows:

Mashonda Tifrere’s Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BhKuISKlGhy/?hl=en&taken-by=mashondatifrere

Perfect, poised and beautiful

Mashonda is a stunningly beautiful recording artist that is now a curator and art champion. Her organization, ArtLeadHer, focuses on supporting female artists, curators and collectors, giving them a platform and visibility in the male-dominated art environment. Mashonda recently curated a show in honor of International Women’s Day, and I’m positive that we will continue to see more incredible things from her in the near future.

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Jeannette Maw’s “What’s On Your Wall?” podcast episode:

You already know I’m a Jeannette fan, as I’ve written about her before on this blog. However, I found myself going back to this podcast several times since it was released in February. Listening to it impressed upon me the importance of visually surrounding yourself with that which inspires you. Make sure that what adores your walls brings you delight: whatever you observe, you create. As a side note, I think it’s important to mention that I posted affirmations along my wall in my old job, a while before I got my current dream position. I suspect that those visual reminders were powerful in helping me to create my current situation. I actually could stand to restart this practice: there are some more things I’m longing to create, and using my wall décor to help me get what I want is easy and fun.

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National Gallery of Art’s (NGA) Foundation for Art and Preservation in Embassies (FAPE) recordings:

I attended my first FAPE event in 2015, and I enjoyed it tremendously. This year, I couldn’t get to the museum, but I watched the event via live stream on NGA’s website. I have since listened to several of the archived FAOE discussions on NGA’s website. If you’d like to stay abreast of the cross-cultural discussions surrounding art, diplomacy and culture, this series is a must.

life curation

Living Your Best Life: 5 Tax Tips for Divorced and Separated People

As a (sort of) recent divorcee, I have been navigating my finances and getting a sense of how to responsibly handle my money in this new phase of my life.

Once upon a time, I worked for IRS as an international tax auditor. I reviewed the tax returns of people living abroad as well as foreign-born individuals that lived and worked in the US. So, suffice it to say, I’m pretty comfortable with tax law.

That being said, I still wasn’t quite prepared for what life would look like as a person preparing her taxes for the first time post-divorce. It’s been about 6 years since I left IRS, so I wanted to make sure that I had the most current knowledge of the tax code, and I wanted to ensure that I was making good decisions now and in the future as I go forward.

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So here’s my little guide for getting a good handle on your tax situation as a separated or divorced person. Some of the tips are also good for anyone (I’ll put my “applies to anyone” advise in parentheses after each applicable tip). Keep this guide of 5 tips (I even threw in a bonus for everyone, so it’s technically 6 tips!) to help you approach your taxes in a clear, orderly, empowered fashion.

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  1. Relax about the process. Seriously, nothing good comes from worrying. So take a deep breath and know that YOU CAN DO THIS! Pace yourself and give yourself time to really absorb what you’re learning. Don’t worry about committing it all to memory: no one does that! Just get familiar enough with how to search the IRS.gov website and you will be fine – really, you will! (This applies to everyone. Taxes have a “logic” that begins to make sense to you when you take your time. Don’t worry about learning it all).
  2. Order return, account, and wage/income transcripts for the entire period of the marriage. These documents are free and can arrive to you within two weeks, or you may also request to view the transcripts online. The main transcripts you’ll need are 1) return transcripts, showing what was reported on the tax return for a given year; 2) account transcripts, showing the summary of account activity during a given year (especially helpful if you paid tax as opposed to getting a refund, or if the refund was “offset” [reduced to pay for a federal or state obligation, like delinquent child support, student loans, unpaid income taxes, etc.,); and 3) wage/income transcripts, that show all of the income received during a tax year, as well as mortgage interest paid, student loan interest paid, debt cancellations, etc.,. You want to review these documents to make sure that all of the information is correct before you file your taxes. These are good documents to include in your financial binder, too (This is a good practice for everyone. Order the documents, review them, and make sure that everything is accurate).
  3. Get Publication 504 and READ it! This publication is voluminous but it covers everything that divorced and separated people need to know when preparing their taxes. This is especially helpful for parents, as custody agreements and divorce decrees may have special rules for handling how the parents will file and claim credits and deductions related to children.
  4. Take advantage of free tax preparation software that is available through Credit Karma. I’ve used it for the past two years and I’m very pleased with how well it works. If you’re nervous about preparing and submitting your taxes, then play around with the Credit Karma software (but don’t submit the document: just print it out) then get a trusted tax professional to review it. Have that professional tell you if you missed anything, or have them explain how certain rules, credits and deductions work. (Credit Karma is free to everyone, so check out the software and see if it’s something that will work for you).
  5. Know that you can always amend a return. If you mess up, you can always correct it! The form for amending taxes is Form 1040X. Correcting the taxes can be time consuming, but if the change is significant enough, it’s worth it to initiate the correction on your end as opposed to having IRS open an audit. Audits, by the way, aren’t the super-scary event that most people paint it to be. However, it can take a long time to resolve (depending on the auditor) so it’s always best if you are proactive and amend an incorrect return. (Again, this applies to everyone).
  • Bonus tip: make sure your address is current! Sometimes IRS will send you correspondence to the last address of record, which may have changed since your last filing. Depending on how much your ex controlled the flow of information, you’d do well to update your address with IRS by filing Form 8822.

I’ve hyperlinked all of the referenced forms, websites and publications for your convenience.

 

art · life curation

The Next Art Course On My List

I had such a positive experience with my previous ALISON course (Great Artists and Their Works) that I decided to try another. In the next couple of weeks, I’ll be diving into Color Theory for Artists and Designers on ALISON.com. I’m neither an artist nor a designer, but increasing my knowledge on the subject would be extremely advantageous.

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I reviewed the modules that comprise this lesson and I was impressed with the variety of color-related topics that will be discussed. This seems like a really good, brief “in-between” class to take while I figure out the rest of my educational plans as respects my future art-related career (I wrote about my short-term art career goals here).  Besides, I like makeup too much not to get a better grasp on certain color concepts.

Yeah, today is a brief post. I’m working on the edits for the novel, as well as the art career stuff, so I’m keeping this short so I can pour my energy into those other things on my to-do list. That’s it for today – chat with you all tomorrow!

words of wisdom

Words of Wisdom: Alice Walker

Happy Monday, my friends! What better way to start off a week than some words of wisdom?

thoughtcatalog

(from Thought Catalog)

Alice Walker is a writer extraordinaire, penning poetry, short stories and novels.  She is also an activist: she coined the term “womanism”, which is feminism that centers on Black women’s experiences. Her poetry and stories have garnered her a Pulitzer Prize for Fiction and many loyal fans.

relatably

(from Relatably)

Walker’s “The Color Purple” is a riveting tale of a poor Black woman’s journey to overcome abuse and oppression. She was a survivor and thriver in a time where women – especially women of color – found it especially difficult to get ahead in life. Her main character, Celie, learns to love and succeed in a world where the odds seem overwhelmingly against her.

New-Alice-Walker-Quotes-98-On-Inspirational-Love-Quotes-with-Alice-Walker-Quotes

(from AgingAbundantly)

I’ve read “The Color Purple” as an adult, and I also watched the movie several times growing up. I didn’t appreciate the story until I read it. I was transfixed by Walker’s writing style: conversational and reflective. It was hard to put the book down: the story unfolds beautifully and at a great pace. Walker’s own journey to self-actualization has been inspirational to learn about over the past few years. I’m glad that I took the time to learn more about this remarkable woman.

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(from Pinterest)

Walker’s art inspires me. I hope she continues to create: our world continues to need voices like hers.

pinterest

(from Pinterest)

May Alice Walker’s words encourage you today. I’ll talk to you all soon!

life curation · style

More Information About Kibbe’s Body Typing System

I mentioned how much the Kibbe System has changed my approach to shopping in this post. I even was able to find a Soft Classic role model that I can look to when selecting my garments. But I realize that not everyone is a Soft Classic, nor does everyone know what the Kibbe System looks like in action.

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However, have no fear! I have resources to help you best dress your Kibbe type. The same darling that first mentioned Kibbe typing (thanks again, T. J.!) also provided a link to what I believe is the most comprehensive YouTuber to explain the system. Aly Art, a doll-faced Russian fashionista, has graciously gone in depth over the course of multiple YouTube videos to explain the intricacies of the Kibbe System.

The videos address all of the Kibbe types, and discusses, in detail, the clothing, hairstyles and accessories that best flatter each type. Of all of her videos, I think this one is the best for people that really want to understand what Kibbe typing is, and how to easily identify your type even before you take the Kibbe test:

This video is really good for recognizing your Kibbe type by your facial structure (this really helped me!):

Be sure to check out some of Aly Art’s other videos for more explanations that can help you choose the most flattering garments for your body!

life curation

2018 Goals – An Update

Back in January, I outlined 3 goals that I have for this year. As a point of accountability, I want to share how things have been going with those goals, as well as the next steps to take in the upcoming weeks.

Goal 1: Publish some of my writing

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Technically, this blog is a way of publishing my writing, but I don’t heavily edit anything that goes on here, and I want to have a consolidated work (like a book). I mentioned previously that editing and publishing are tests of my discipline and focus, as I tremendously enjoy getting the thoughts on paper but don’t really enjoying reviewing what I’ve written. Here are the actions I intend to take before the end of the month:

  • Start on the 2nd round of edits for my novel
  • Complete 1st round of edits for my how-to book
  • Purchase a MasterClass membership to get additional writing assistance

Goal 2: More travel

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I’ve done one of my major trips – Nairobi, Kenya – but I’ve been eyeing a short trip to London sometime this summer (this ties into Goal 3). I also have a family cruise planned in October, and maybe (hopefully!) one more London trip in December. I’ve also been taking more roadtrips over the past several months, and next month will have me taking a trip almost every weekend! Anyway, here are the actions I intend to take over the next couple of weeks:

  • Make a decision on my London travel: whether I will do one or two trips this year
  • Start pricing my London and New York airfare and hotel stays
  • Reserve rooms for weekend trips in May

Goal 3: Dabble in an art career

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I’m not an artist, but I aspire to work in the art world, as either a consultant or a curator. I’ve researched a few opportunities to help me get a feel for the museum/auction world, but other than listing out those resources, I haven’t taken any other actions. That stops this month. These are the actions I intend to take in support of my future art career:

  • Reserve my space in the Christie’s course(s) I plan to take in New York this summer
  • Begin another online art course
  • Narrow down the opportunities I’ve listed to those most advantageous for the path I’m pursuing.

That’s all for my 2018 goals update. I’ll try to remember to post again at the beginning of June, to let you all know how much progress I’ve made. Talk to you all soon!