Part of my metamorphosis includes a good deal of reflection. After all, how do you know where you want to go if you aren’t honest about where you’ve been? And, if where you’ve been is a place that you don’t want to return, wouldn’t it be wise to know HOW you got there, and WHAT you found uncomfortable about your journey?

During one of my reflection sessions, I realized that I had denied myself certain luxuries. On the surface, the reason for denying myself these luxuries was simple: I didn’t have the money.

But was that REALLY true? Or was it something else: something deeper, something that wasn’t linked to the “external” (like monetary abundance)?

Of course, denying myself the luxuries had nothing to do with my income. I looked at my salary then, and there was enough “money” coming in. The decision to avoid certain purchases had everything to do with my self-esteem. Yes, my self-esteem was “in the basement”, as I like to put it (I have a post about how I boosted my self-esteem coming soon). I felt awful about myself because of some missteps that I made in my journey.

But as my self-esteem improved, I started examining my daily self care. What I saw horrified me: I had been treating myself worst that anyone else ever could have! And I looked squarely at how much I was investing in myself, and I saw how much I’d fallen off of my former routine.

My first order of business was buying the most expensive pair of shoes that I could comfortably justify in my mind. I found a gorgeous pair of Diane Von Furstenberg high heeled pumps, in tan suede. I was giddy about my purchase, and, as I mentioned previously, these shoes were more costly than any others I’d ever bought before.

 

(image courtesy of Clipart Library)

I wore them four times over a three year period.

Don’t worry, I’ll wear them again. But the “juice” I got from the purchase was the feeling of buying such a luxurious pair of shoes. And while I understand “retail therapy”, this was something more significant than shopping “for a high”.

The shoes signal that I’M WORTH IT.

I’m worth being surrounded by beauty, luxury, and good things. I’m worthy of being treated well, looking good, and living a high quality life. The shoes are an emblem representing the “switch” from low self-esteem to restored esteem. It’s almost like a sigil: these shoes had a nearly magical effect on my life.

Even though they’ve only been worn four times.

I don’t have to purchase luxury shoes every time I need to engage in self-care. Luxury comes in so many forms: perfectly prepared and pleasingly presented meals, soaking in intoxicatingly perfumed baths, sleeping on clean, sumptuous sheets, taking long walks on crisp days … All luxury. After all, luxury is, at its heart, intense indulgent, and indulgence is about GENEROSITY. In this case, it’s about being generous with YOURSELF. And you deserve it. You deserve it more than you could ever know …

Do you all have any “go-to” luxury indulgences? Please let me know in the comments below!